Episode 8: The One Where I Complain (with GIFs).

I do really enjoy being here in DC, but there are many things that drive me crazy. I figured this would be a good place to explain those things.

I used to say I'm from Wisconsin. But, having spent my entire adult life in Iowa, I now identify myself as being from Iowa. And, oh my, some of the simplest things are tough to get used to here. For example,

Walking

This is what it's like to walk... anywhere.

Seriously. I'm beginning to think the entire population is being controlled from some central, sentient, evil computer hell-bent on placing objects in my path. Can no one walk in a straight line in this city?

Did I mention I have to walk everywhere?

For example, I watched the fireworks on Independence Day from Arlington National Cemetery. I had a terrific view (see for yourself):

 

Afterward, I regret not taking a picture of the line into the Metro station. It looked somewhat like this:  

So I thought,

And then I thought, "You know, it's really not that far back to my apartment." You see, I figured it was a 30 minute walk to the Lincoln Memorial, probably about an hour from Lincoln to the Capitol, and 15 minutes from the Capitol to my apartment.

So, I decided to walk back to my apartment... in Eastern Market... from Arlington. I thought it would be like,

 

And it was for a while, but the further I went, it was more like,

The really cool part was, though, that everywhere I looked, there were fireworks going off all over the horizon. That was pretty cool. It almost reminded me of what it might have looked like in the first days after the Civil War with everyone celebrating. I stood on the George Washington Memorial Bridge for a while and just watched.

(Funny aside: As I passed the Washington Monument, there were a group of guys dismantling a stage. I heard one of them shout, "Box Coming!" I didn't think anything of it, but it seemed to be directed at the people walking past the stage. He said it again... "Box Coming!"

Then I saw a fox run past.

Oh.)

By the way, it only took me two hours to walk home, which is what I thought it would take. Not bad, actually.

 

 So, for the most part, walking bothers me... but that walk was actually pretty cool. 

The crowd was the same thing on my way to the Nationals game earlier in the day. I lost my sunglasses, so the trek to try and find them and eventually buy new ones caused me to have to take a later train than I planned. Here's a photo I took from my train:

 

Pretty sure we were past capacity. Don't know how that train even moved. There were 42,000 people in attendance; they were all in this car.

Grocery Shopping

After some effort, I did eventually locate a supermarket within walking distance during my second week here. It's just barely within walking distance. That's fine, I can tolerate it - a good chance to build my arm muscles, I suppose. However, the actual shopping itself is non-sensical.

For example, Black Beans don't seem to be deserving of the "Canned Vegetables" designations, and salsa and hot sauce apparently aren't "Hispanic Foods." I spend most of my time in the grocery stores walking around trying to find stuff!

I criss-cross the store about 10 times to pick up random items. Then, I come down to that last item. By the time I get there, I'm like this: 

 Where are the @#&% pistachios?!?!

Oh, I forgot... then this happens. 

   

 Then there's the line. Most places actually build places for people to stand in line. Hy-Vee opens new lines if there's more than 1 person in line (Dear God, I miss Hy-Vee). Not Safeway. If you want to get in line, you have to line up down the aisle where other people are shopping. Then you're in their way while they're trying to get food. And you have to apologize for just standing there. 

So, I get to the check out. I have little cups in which I will store my salad dressing for lunch. The register girl sees them and asks if I'm going to be making jello shots tonight. She wasn't joking. Neither was I.

Walking, Part II

 

The other day, I had a free lunch from the Smithsonian Folklife Festival. It was halfway down the National Mall, and I intended to eat outside. By that point, it was too hot out for that to be a possibility, so I decided to carry it back to my office. However, with the book I brought out with me, and my stacks of food and drink... it was too much, and it toppled over on me.

 

I'm sure it must have been because there was an attractive woman watching me from somewhere.

Not to worry, the containers didn't break, so it was still edible.

 

Crowds

Besides the walking, crowds are everywhere. Shout out to the late Jon Brenner, my YMCA swim coach, who said he moved from Chicago to La Crosse because he "got tired of standing in line." I feel the same way here. 

 

 What I didn't expect was that the crowds would penetrate everything. Not just the usual places, but the places you wouldn't think of as well.

 

For example, you want food... there's a line. 

 

 

Want to ask the gas station attendant in the middle of the night if they have a map of the city (a perplexing conundrum in itself), get ready to stand in line. 

Want to go to the bathroom? You guessed it... take a number and get in line.

Being from Iowa, I'm too polite to do this: 

Get out of my way, slow person!
 

The Good Things

You know, if the only things that bother me are walking, grocery shopping, and standing in line, life is actually pretty good. I'm having fun and being productive at work, having experiences most people don't get to have, and spending too much money. 

I booked a day trip to Philadelphia in a few weekends, so I have that to look forward to. Before I know it, I'll be back in Indianola, gearing up for another school year.